I'm their provider!

I wrote this one on September 30. I'll have a new post this week. =)

September 30, 2011

It’s been a week since we told our parents. I suppose that some of the apprehension has begun to wane. It’s nice to be able to talk about this major life-event with people that we love. We’ve also been slowly telling our friends and family. The support we’ve received so far has been great. It’s so helpful for someone like me to know that there are people in this world who absolutely believe in me as a man and a father.

This has been an incredibly difficult week for me, though. Churches around the country are struggling to stay afloat in this incredibly perilous financial time. High Street has largely been doing well through all of this. In fact, they hired a new staff member, creating a new position, during this time. But the economic crunch is coming here too. It has me worried because I know my calling from God is to be a provider to my family (and that includes finances).

I’m sure it’s not completely uncommon, though, for a first-time-father to assume that he won’t be able to provide for his wife and child. I suppose I’m no different. My fears could very well be unfounded, but they certainly are my fears. It’s this fear of not being able that has crippled me all week.

My friend became a father for the first time a few years ago. He’s one of my best friends in the world, and my workout buddy. He told me that while his wife was pregnant, he had some of the “symptoms” of pregnancy. He mentioned specifically that he had weird appetite cravings, and she did not.

I’m beginning to think that maybe I got the pregnancy hormones and Holly didn’t. Wednesday was the tipping point for me of my bad week and at one point in the afternoon I just lost it emotionally. All of the apprehension and turmoil finally boiled over and I broke down completely. It was a little awkward for another pastor who came into my mother-in-law’s office and saw both of us crying.

But the release was good for me. I should take a second to note that my mother-in-law, while still being an in-law, has been awesome from Day One. From the moment Holly and I were engaged, Shanna has been very supportive of me, and incredibly helpful in creating what we believe to be a Biblical marriage and family. Her and Randy have been amazing, the best in-laws I could ask for.

That’s what’s been happening with me this week. Holly is experiencing all the wonderful nausea that being pregnant brings. About twice a day I send her a text and ask her how she’s doing. When she has a break she responds, it’s very rarely positive. The nausea is tough on her, and therefore it’s tough on me. But she perseveres with a room full of toddlers.

I’m also learning that everyone has pregnancy advice/opinions. Every time I tell someone that Holly is nauseous they offer their advice. For some women it was just a few months they had the sickness. For some it was the entire pregnancy (Yay, something to look forward to for the next 8 months!). For some, they didn’t experience it at all.

Alas, there is either some hope or no hope. We’re past the hope of her not getting it at all. I certainly do hope that the nausea is a symptom that will pass.
We’re excited to make this announcement public. We’ve told everyone here on staff at the church, and Holly’s told some people at her work. We’re going to announce it to the congregation on October 9, which is actually our one year anniversary.

Then a couple weeks after that, we’re heading back to Pigeon Forge for vacation. We were there for our honeymoon last year and we had a blast. This time, we’re going camping with Holly’s parents and grandmother. We’re super excited to get away for a few days and relax. It’ll be so nice to just spend some stress-free time away from the hustle and bustle of our normal lives. I fully intend on sleeping… a lot.

My prayer this week has been, “Lord, give me my daily bread.” I’m not asking for anymore than what I need today. And God certainly is faithful.