Anticipation is at an all-time high

Two weeks ago, we went to the doctor. He was very worried about Holly's blood pressure and sent us to the hospital for some blood work. He didn't say the word, but I did a little on-the-fly research and realized that he was worried about pre-eclampsia. We didn't take his concern lightly, we went straight to the hospital where we promptly waited for a few hours on the results from the blood work. One of the doctors from our office came in and told us everything looked good. She prescribed some more rest, and lower salt intake.

We went to the doctor last week and the doctor gave us some fun news. He told us that if Holly went into labor at this point, they weren't going to stop it. He was also worried about her ability to go full-term. Her feet have been remarkably swollen and her blood pressure is still mildly concerning. So, he said there was a good possibility that they would induce labor to take Xavier early to ease the stress on Holly's body.

We are now at 37 weeks and have another appointment tomorrow. We had two baby showers this weekend, and as the name suggests, we were showered with gifts and presents for our new little man! We're so excited and can't wait to meet him.

But, the doctor's appointment tomorrow has us on edge, because we're both anxious that he's going to tell us to go to the hospital because they're going to induce her. So, we spent the past 2 days preparing!

The car seat is all ready to go in the car.
Xavier's bag is all packed up and ready to roll.
Holly's bag is all packed up and ready to go, too!

We're most definitely at the place where this could be it, any time now! I say all that to say this, keep us in your prayers. Tomorrow could be the day!

Below are a couple pictures from X-Man's room =)

Living Life Together

A few months ago, I was talking to a pastor I know and he was sharing with me that he thought the entire concept of Life Groups was wrong. I found this to be a little weird because the church where he's a pastor has life groups. Naturally, I wanted to know why he felt this way.

"It's because the idea of living life together isn't real, it doesn't work."

His whole premise was that we are individuals (or individual families) and we live our lives apart. The idea that we can meet for an hour a week and somehow be living life together must be wrong. For him, it just wasn't true.

With all due respect to that pastor, I think he was wrong.

Sure, we don't completely live life together. I don't particularly need to know that you are out of coffee at your home. While the lack of coffee in my home is note-worthy (if not panic-worthy) to me, the lack of coffee in your home isn't nearly as concerning to me.

But when we talk about living life together, we're not talking about those little things are we? We're not talking about something as insignificant as coffee and the availability of hot beverages in each family's home.

Living life together is about the big things. Our Sunday School class has an almost identical life group attached to it. The life group is expanded a little bit in some ways and contracted in some others. A number of people teach Sunday School and miss our class, and so the life group is a great opportunity for them to stay connected.

Holly and I went to that group tonight (for the first time, actually) and to be honest, I'm completely sold on the concept of life groups. We are, in fact, living life together.

In our class/group there are four babies under a year old. We've celebrated with each of those families as they welcomed their children into the world (in fact I was in the hospital with two of them). There are even more children under 5 years old.

We are all living life together.

When I come into class, I find myself quite frequently overwhelmed with the latest aspect of fatherhood that I just stumbled into (on that note, it never feels like I gracefully I arrive into those moments. I feel like I'm just completely falling into them) and the men in my class are able to look me in the eyes and say, "I understand."

That's living life together.

When someone is sick, or a family member passes away, we mourn together. We pray together. We challenge each other and we call each other out.

We realize that we are parts of the same body and if one part is hurting or ill or messed up in some way, it affects all parts of the body.

Tonight, our group talked about worry. Jesus is pretty clear that there's no place for worry in the life of a Christian. I get the impression that a good Christian should never worry because God is still God, and God is always good.

I confess... I am full of worry.

I don't know what to do about it either. The last question of the group tonight was, "What one thing can you do to prevent worrying this week?"

I have no idea how to stop myself from worrying. The past few months of my life have been consumed with worry. I tell myself that it's not a lack of trust in God, I mean, I trust that in the end God will provide. I guess, I feel like I should be able to help God along?

Maybe I could put it better by saying that God gave me talents and abilities and if I use the gifts he gave to provide, then God is still providing. I don't want to be the sort of person who just sits around hoping that God will provide.

I know this, though. I'm absolutely tired of worrying. I'm tired of being so scared. It is taking its toll on me. I can't handle the pressure of feeling like I'm in this alone.

So, what tangible thing can I do to stop worrying? I honestly have no idea. But, I'm open to trying anything. So, I'm fasting, just for a day (until dinner tomorrow night). I don't say that to point at how great I am (as if not eating food somehow makes a person great), but to say that I'm at the end of my rope in the mental sense of all this, and so tomorrow I'll be relying on God for strength to just make it through the day.

I'll admit, that's mildly ridiculous. As if I couldn't make it through one day without food.

If you get a chance, say a prayer for me. This is an incredibly taxing period of my life. But God is good.

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This doesn't feel like much of a fatherhood blog. So, I'll give an update on Holly and Xavier. We are currently at 27 weeks. We're going to the doctor tomorrow morning and will hopefully hear that everything is going well. Xavier has been moving around a lot. When it gets loud, he moves. I'm not sure what to think about that, being such a loud person.

As far as I know, everyone's healthy.

I can't wait to meet my little man!

Just how pregnant are we?!

Happy Valentine's Day to the love of my life who is 26 weeks pregnant!

Overwhelmed by stuff!!

It's been a month since I last posted. I suppose I'm not the best blogger in the world. Actually, I'm quite certain this is the case. My other blog hasn't been updated since the beginning of baseball season last year with my picks for the season. For the record, I got 2 out of 8 teams correct for the Playoffs. At least I'm not only terribly in blogging, I'm also terrible at picking teams in the MLB Playoffs before the season starts.

I can live with those failures.

A lot has happened in the last month, though. I got to feel Xavier move! That was certainly an exciting moment for me. Holly had been able to feel him all the time, and I'd sit down to try and get discouraged. Now, all things considered, I'm still not positive it was him moving or her stomach just gurgling at me, but I'll take it either way, I guess. Heh.

The freshest memory and bloggable experience for me happened yesterday. Holly and I were in Columbus for my grandmother's 80th birthday celebration and we decided to detour over to Babies R Us to register for the upcoming Baby Showers. We had registered for our wedding about 18 months before and that was a piece of cake. I mean, seriously, it really can't be any easier to register for your wedding because it's all stuff you understand completely. "We will need sheets for our bed."

I thought registering for the baby was similar.

I was completely wrong.

I thought a stroller was a stroller. Wrong.

I thought a car seat was a car seat. Wrong.

I thought a bottle was a bottle. Wrong.

We were going through the store, scanning items to put on our registry and I was just completely overwhelmed.

I'm convinced that I have no idea what I'm getting into. I mean, I literally have no idea what it takes to be the father of an infant. I shared these thoughts with our Sunday School class this morning and the other dads just laughed at me. I said I was looking for some support. They reminded me that they laugh because they understand exactly where I am right now.

As we were finishing up at the store, one word kept coming to mind. Overwhelmed. We were both completely overwhelmed with everything.

I don't mean for this blog to be completely negative, I really don't. In fact so far this experience has been quite positive. I am enjoying this time of preparation, this time of anxious expectation. It's all really fun for me and it's becoming more and more real every day. He's going to be here so soon, and I absolutely cannot wait to hold my son in my arms.

If you don't mind me adding something to the end of this post, I'd really appreciate some comments/feedback on here. I'm not writing this post to win any medals or trophies, and I don't imagine that there will come a day when someone asks me to compress my thoughts on fatherhood into a book. The reason I write is to unwind and think about things in a different format, but it sure is easier to write when I know people are reading.

Thanks for reading. =)

Leaving a Legacy

Sometimes, my job as a pastor takes me to really awesome things. For instance, tonight I am going to spend the night at Dave & Busters in Columbus with a bunch of teenagers. I mean, seriously, this is my job!?

Last week, I had the distinct honor of holding a newborn in my arms and celebrating with his parents as they welcomed their new son into the world.

There are days when I look in the mirror and say, I get paid to do this?

Being a pastor is awesome. But then there are things that I do that aren't nearly as fun. Funerals would be near the top of this list.

Last week, the same day that newborn was born, I attended a funeral of a man I never met. His great-grand daughter is a part of my youth group.

He had been married to his wife for 63 years! Sixty three years! I'll be honest, I missed a lot of the funeral because I was so focused on that fact. They were married for 63 years. They had children. Their children had children. Their children's children had even begun having children!

And here they all were, celebrating the life of this man who, according to everything I heard in the service was basically a saint.

So, now I sit back and I wonder, what did he feel like when his wife told him that he was going to be a daddy for the first time? Did he know that he would leave this incredible legacy of children, grand children and great-grand children who love Jesus?

I'm more convinced today than I was early last week about the importance of fatherhood and the incredible privilege and honor that it is to be counted among that group.

May I never forget the importance of leaving a legacy for my children, ensuring that they understand how awesome Jesus is, and what a great privilege it is to serve Him.

A letter to my son

Dear (We're not sure yet) Edward Connell,

It's almost 1 am, Christmas morning, 2011. We just found out last night that you are my son. My first born. There are no words for me to describe how excited I am. Things have been rough lately, financially. Mom and I just don't have much money. We decided that we weren't going to buy presents (we're both not good at the follow-through on that, we've each bought presents for each other through money we've saved up diligently). But here's the truth, mom's holding the best present I've ever received. She's carrying you around, keeping you warm and safe until I get to finally meet you.

Buddy, I can't wait. I've never been so excited in my whole life. I've always loved the Christmas season, and I'll be honest, I always thought I understood the feelings of Advent. But, I didn't know anything. This is a completely new experience. The expectation and excitement are almost unbearable.

There are some things I want to tell you right now, though.

First off, life isn't always going to be easy. It's not easy being a man. God has given us incredible responsibilities. I don't have a legacy of training in that area, in fact, my training for manhood wasn't the greatest. Grandma Connell (Breitenbach) did everything she could, but women can't teach young boys how to become men. I promise you, I'm going to do my absolute best to teach you how to become a man, and more than that, I'm going to show you how to be a man of God. I'm going to love your mom more than anyone in this world, and I want you to go to bed knowing that there isn't a human being on earth that I love more. Trust me, this is important.

Second, it's okay to cry. In fact, I'm having trouble not crying as I write this, because I am just... so excited. Don't ever let someone tell you that men don't cry. They do, and they should.

Third, we're going to have so much fun. I am so excited to teach you about the pin-stripes. I hope you grow up to be a Yankees fan like me. We're going to go to baseball games, we're going to eat hot dogs and hope to catch foul balls (or home runs).

Fourth, I want you to know something. This is of the utmost importance. Han shot first. Don't let George Lucas tell you otherwise. Han is a pirate. He shot Greedo. That's okay, it doesn't make us like Han less.

Fifth, dude, it's okay to be a nerd. I struggled my whole life with not wanting to be a nerd, even though I liked the nerdiest things. It's alright. There's so much fun to be had while you're a nerd.

Six, there's an ongoing debate and I want you to understand the Connell position on this debate. There's no chance. Literally, no chance, that Superman would lose in a fight to Batman. The earlier you can grasp this truth, the better.

Seven, I could handle it if you like the Jedi more than the Sith. I promise, I could. But I really will not let you feel anything but negativity for the Gungans and Ewoks. Listen, they were mistakes. They shouldn't have been in the movies, seriously. There's no reason for them. We, the Connell family, do NOT like them.

Eight, it's alright to listen to Christmas music in August. Seriously, there's no reason not to celebrate Christ all year long. It's okay, don't let people tell you otherwise.

Nine, I need to pause here to tell you how important this is. I've given you a lot of information, but this is really important so hold on a second and listen up. There are a lot of things I can handle. You think Star Trek is better than Star Wars? Okay, I can live with that. You like the Reds and not the Yankees? That's fine. You want to watch Barney repeatedly? You got it. You can do a lot of things and I'll be alright, but there's on thing that I will not accept. Someday, you're going to be older, and you'll start thinking about college. It's an awesome time, people are sending you mail... you feel like a rock star. You'll get mail for a University in Ohio. It's a place called Cedarville. Listen, if you even consider going there, you'll be changing your name and finding a new place to live. We are Cougars, forever.

Ten, I realize, some of this is silly, that's who I am. You'll get used to it.

Eleven, I'm here for you. Son, I'm always here for you. I can write this now because I know it will be true when you can finally read it, I'm so proud of you.

You are my little man, my buddy, "my guy," and I just can't wait to meet you.

"You are my beloved son, in whom I am well-pleased." (Mt 3:17)

I love you so much,

Dad

Big Announcement!

That's right, Baby Connell is a BOY!!!!

Now, I'd like to say something serious.

"Dear Unborn Connell Lad,

I'm truly sorry that your decency has been exposed and ruined by an overeager father. I sincerely promise that this will, under no circumstances, be the last time I embarrass you, though.

Love,
Dad"